A new year, a same struggle

Next month I will be leaving one decade behind and entering a new one. While I’m not really scared of turning 30, I have been very aware lately that my life has not at all turned out how I thought it would. I never dreamed I would reach my 30s as a single. The past year in particular has been a roller coaster of ups and downs in my desires and wants. In some instances, I have been completely content and satisfied with my singleness. I’ve even had moments where I solely desired and wanted to be single. But, I’ve also had the overwhelming moments of longing for a husband. Recently, that desire has only gotten stronger. I’ve grown in my understanding of what a godly marriage really is and it’s only made me desire it that much more. 

But, I’m still very single.
I do believe the Lord is sovereign. I know he is in control of all things and has a specific purpose and plan for my life. But, I have been battling confusion and doubt and wondering what his plan really is. The past couple of months have been particularly difficult. I know I can be extremely cynical and critical and negative and I have been fighting it daily. I want to trust. I want to be patient. I want to exhibit grace and understanding. But, it can be downright exhausting. 
I was reminded today of a post I wrote for CBMW almost exactly a year ago. Often times our lives don’t go exactly how we plan or expect. In fact, life can turn out to be the exact opposite of what we originally wanted. I’ve had to learn the difference between my will and God’s will. I’ve had to learn how to trust God’s goodness and sovereignty even when I don’t understand it. He is good. He is faithful. Even when I may not believe it at every moment. Lately, I admit, I’ve been lacking in belief (while simultaneously fighting it). I know that He remains faithful even when I’m unsure of it. My feelings or circumstances do not change who he is and that is extremely encouraging to me. 
So, I may still be single at 30 and I’m sure I’ll continue to have my struggles with this reality. But, I also choose to trust the Lord and his plan for my life. I choose to see my singleness as a blessing and as a gift. I am comforted in knowing he is able to use me in whatever age or stage I find myself. No matter where we are in life, he has a purpose. But, first, we must relinquish our control and surrender it to him.
Here is my original post for CBMW:
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5 comments

  1. Akash · March 9, 2015

    Haha
    just read your article on single womanhood and the one on single manhood on 9 marks…

    Any man that truly pursues God will seek a wife a pursues God, not a wife who thinks Men should be home makers ( and call it sacrificial leadership) and support woman's callings over her husbands. Godly men and women love each other and know wives were created for men not the other way around.

    so maybe ungodly men will pursue you but until you change your beliefs that men are to be homemakers and women can just do whatever and not practice Godly womanhood when single I doubt a Godly man would pursue you ( he would be terribly misled )

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  2. kjv · March 9, 2015

    I'm not really sure how you could read both of the 9marks posts and come to the conclusion that you did. (I also read your comments on the 9marks posts.) Neither of us is saying that husbands are to be homemakers and wives are to do whatever they want. The journal is for Complementarianism. They would not have asked us to write for it if we believed in role reversal for men and women. It seems as if you are reading way more into the posts than what we actually wrote.

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  3. Paul · March 9, 2015

    Both great posts (and the 9marks one). Glad to see Houston so well represented!

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  4. kjv · March 9, 2015

    Thank you!

    Like

  5. Akash · March 10, 2015

    really?
    the one on single men- focus on homemaking ( cook dinner, do all the home making duties etc

    the one on single women- career advice

    sounds more like a feminist blog than a biblical one.

    Complementarianism means complement and it seems like you are advocating for home making men to complement a career over family woman ( because a woman can have a career and be family focused)

    Like

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